Deepening Friendships Through Questions

Many people will say I cannot teach people how to be Christians or lead people in the Bible because 

I don’t know enough.  I don’t have all the answers.  Or I am afraid they will ask a questions I do not know the answer to.  

Does anybody know….

How many times did Jesus ask a question?

How many questions was he asked? (

How many of those questions did he directly answer?

Why?

Why is Jesus this way?

Why is asking questions so important and so effective?

Sales Slides

I hate you. This happens to us all the time! 

The man who is thinking I hate you, is he showing it?  Big Smile… 

I think I know someone… But until I ask them great questions, I may be completely wrong!  

Eskimos

This guys is selling ICE to Eskimos (eyes closed / mouth open)

What does the person your talking to care about?  What makes them tick? 

Don’t assume, find out with questions.  Gain understanding, then when it actually is time to explain, or teach or say something you are on target.  

 It is biblical.

Proverbs 20:5

5  The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water,

but a man of understanding will draw it out.

The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters,
    but one who has insight draws them out.

You know this about yourself..  You have a ton going on inside of you…

What is actually happening when you ask questions?

You are breaking or attempting to break past the venire your friend has up and find out what is behind it. 

I want to actually know you.  

“Dalah”

to dangle, i.e. to let down a bucket (for drawing out water); figuratively, to deliver:—draw (out), × enough, lift up.

Only one other time this word is used that it is not literally referring to draw water out of a well.  

Psalm 30:1

I will exalt you Lord, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me.

You lifted me you save me from my enemies.  You gave me an opportunity to be saved.  David had to grasp that line being let down by God so he could be pulled up.  

Thats what I want you to think about every time you ask someone a deep question.

Every time you take interest in another person and ask a thoughtful question you are sending out a life line.  You are throwing down the bucket into the well of their heart and soul.  

What will you bring up?  What have they buried deep down there?  A man or woman of understanding will draw out that persons very heart.  

Makes me think about being a fisher of men.  I want to help people learn about Jesus.  Our questions are sending out that fishing line, dangling it out to see what comes up.  

Practicals

1. Open Ended Questions

- Any question that requires more than a brief answer with pre-determined set of answers.

How / Why / What / Tell me about…..

Did Nick’s talk on questions have an significant change on your life?

-NO

What was the most impactful part of the talk about questions for you?

Meeting someone for the first time:

You can start with closed questions: 

Hello I’m Nick  / Where are you guys from? / Are you from there originally? / How did you end up in WV? (Boom first open ended question)

2. Follow up Questions

-Take the answer of the first questions and follow up with another open ended questions that goes deeper:

             What was the most impactful part of the talk about questions for you?

-I like the idea that I can impact someone and even be a fisher of men by just asking questions.  I usually feel insecure about talking to people in general. 

I can feel that way too. 

Why do you think you feel insecure about talking to people?

Drawing people out.  I am going to go deeper.  

This is not complex but it is very rarely done. 

Many things are now happening:

You are in a conversation / You are truly getting to know someone / they are feeling loved or at least encouraged that some one is taking an interest. 

3. 5 open ended starter questions memorized ready to go!  

-What do you do for work?  

-What do you enjoy about it?

Truths about our World 

1. Just about everyone is thinking about themselves all the time.

2. People love it when you take a genuine interest in them. Even if they do not show it.

3. Most conversations do not go beyond one maybe two open ended questions.

-Once you have asked 2-3 open ended questions you are already ahead of the game!

Exercise 

Learn something new about the person you are partnering with.  

Minimum of 3 open ended questions that all build off each other.  BUT you do not have to stop at 3 let your curiosity drive you.  What do you want to know about your friend?  What makes them tick.  It must be deep / personal (not private but meaningful).  Remember their heart is deep waters and in needs drawn out!!!