"Go" Conversation

1. Set the Stage & Name the Topic

-It is important to respectfully set up a time and location that everyone feels good about

-It is also important to recognize there are two levels of conflict:

L1: Casual Conflict:

-“Can I talk to you about that interaction just now (or earlier at church, etc)?”

L2: Escalated Conflict:

-Safe for all parties involved

-Good timing (emotionally, undistracted, etc)

-Be clear about the topic that is to be discussed

-Doing this empowers and allies the other person in the discussion

-Instead of attacking or alienating 

-Climb the Ladder of Integrity before discussing! - 5 Minutes!!!

This also allows people time to prepare for the discussion

    -Prayer about the situation and conversation

    -We also encourage people to "Climb the Ladder of Integrity"

2. Ask for Their Perspective & Listen

James 1:19 - My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry

-Ask the other person to explain their perspective on the situation

-Incarnational Listening!!! 

-Give them your full attention - Take notes

-Enter their world

-Avoid judging or interpreting - SO HARD!!!!!

-Reflect back

-Reflect - “What I am hearing you say is…”

-Ask clarifying questions

-Good time to “Stop mind reading…”

“I think…Is that correct?”

-Ask, “Is there more?”

-Ask, “What is the most important thing for me to remember?”

-Discern your part…

-Own - Intent vs. Impact

-Offer - “How could I have handled that better?”

-Needs - “What do you need from me to make this right?”

3. Provide Your Perspective

-BIFF - Brief, Informative, Friendly & Firm

-Share humbly about not knowing everything - “My perspective…”

-Careful assuming motives - I Corinthians 4:5

-Share your feelings in the experience - “When you…it makes me feel…”

-Climbing the Ladder of Integrity

-Express Feelings

-Express Values

-Express Hopes

-Check for their understanding

-Tell me what you’re hearing me say

-Discern Their Part

-Own

-Offer

-Needs - What do you need from me to make this right?

4. Develop an Agreement Together

-“How can we do things differently in the future?”

-SWAN

-Specific

-Written

-Attainable

-Non-judgmental & Balanced

5. Follow-Up

-Are we still good?

-How is the agreement going?

-Am I meeting expectations?